31 Weeks.

31. Weeks. How?

I wouldn't say this would be a milestone post, because every single day growing the loves of our lives is a milestone -- one we protect and cherish with every fiber of our being.

Any conversation someone strikes up with me takes off with a "how are you feeling?" I am tired. This is my default, and new normal. I have somewhat accepted that it is my underlying, overall, in and out and in-between feeling. On top of that layer? I'm ecstatic. I light up when I see the girls' nursery and I'm able to nest as I please. Gone is the awareness of my dismantled back (only to creep into consciousness if I do too much) and I stare at their cribs and their tiny, sweet pieces of clothing and bows and soft blankets knowing these exact pieces of fabric will have the privilege of touching my babies' skin. Skin that is ours, from us, that we made. It is achingly beautiful, I think.

Twice a week appointments are coming up starting Monday and birth plan conversations are taking place -- it's dizzying how fast everything is happening. Our girls will be here in 6-7 short weeks and it is beyond my ability to grasp. I can feel their personalities already and before I know it, they'll be in my arms where they belong. It's a feeling I cannot fathom to try and explain. Lyla is absolutely our wild one and Elsie much quieter, but strong when she moves. And I do love them in my belly, seeing them stretch and always letting mama know they're doing okay. But I will be so excited and relieved to have them earthside to take care of, so I don't have the distraction of my body in order to mother theirs. I do know I am using all of my body right now to grow them. I am giving my all and there's nothing I want more than for them to stay in as long as they need. My emotions are all over the place. So far everything has gone wonderfully and they're happy in their warm internal world -- dreaming sweet baby dreams, communicating with each other, playing. I love them so much.

My expectations of blogging throughout this pregnancy diminished oh, I'd say 3+ months ago. I thought of many great things to share, but I just can't. This is such a sacred time for us and we are burning every moment into our memories. This, as well as 105% of my energy goes to working full time, balancing appointments, and then coming home to rest and work on projects. Weekends are for catch up with what we haven't accomplished during the week. It's taxing and will only intensify. I can't dig up the energy to write anything besides letters to my girls.

So much has happened since I last wrote. We are in our first home that went through a complete DIY remodel. New floors, tile, carpet, trim, paint, furniture -- and it is beautiful. My darling husband works so exponentially hard every single day and night  and he indeed has three jobs -- his full time @ Costco corporate, remodeling our home, and taking care of us. We are the luckiest girls to have him. Our families and friends have helped out too and for that we are blown away. I just can't wait to share some photos.

Here's to the final weeks before we become a family of four.

6 months with you both.

The love we have for you, my sweet girls. My little doves tapping and kicking around all day. We have big plans for you, and you both will know love so deep, deeper than the colors of the roses in summer. I will show you all of them and watch you blink your big eyes at the colors and shapes. We will walk you down the street to the bakery on breezy spring afternoons each of you on our shoulders, your dark curls blowing across your faces. You see, it was always so fitting, and I have said that many times. It was always you two, because it was always us, your mama and daddy.

There are two of you and there are two of us. Our hands were created to hold yours.

                                                                        

Elsie you have graciously found my bladder and Lyla, you love to stick your sweet little feet under my ribs. You both know the exact moment I rest and your dance begins. I can see you now. I feel every movement, all day, and at night – it puts me to sleep. And I dream of your nursery. I see the fresh creams and whites, blush pink here and there. It will be nothing but ethereal, just like you. You see, we picked out a perfect little house for our family -- it’s absolutely darling. It is our first home and will be your first too. Soon we will all be sitting in our living room filled with light as we watch it flood over your sleeping faces. Your tiny coos heard in every corner – the song of your people. Warmth all around. In my heart. I’m aching to meet you.
You are our everything, little doves.   

5 months & halfway.

How far along: 5 months (20 weeks + 3 days). Our girls are just over halfway there!

Babies' size: They are as big as mangos this week.

Total weight gain: I hardly weighed myself before my pregnancy, and I don't now. I leave that to my OB. I listen to my body and trust it tells me what my babies and I need.

Maternity Clothes: Maternity leggings! I'm really thinking of buying a few postpartum and beyond. They're great core stabilizers and nothing digs into your middle. Form fitting maternity tops -- I don't believe in the long flowing types, they make you look bigger than you are. Lots of dresses.

Sleep: Never ever enough.

Best moment this week: There were so many! Monday night, Twin A, our active babygirl decided she wanted to play with me. I rested my hand on the same spot I feel her and search for her everyday and she lightly kicked me. I pressed down ever so gently, and she kicked me again. And I did this about five times and she responded with each nudge of my hand. We have an attentive little love!

Movement: Lots of prodding and twisting with from Twin A. Not as much with Twin B, but she will nudge me to say Hi Mama! every now and then.

Food cravings: There have been many over the months, but my most consistent are cereal and oranges.

Food aversions: Nothing specific, but too often it's the concept of food. Everything is uninteresting and it takes much coercion and idea throwing from Daniel to get me to eat something.

Sex: Fraternal twin girls!

My mama casted my belly for the halfway point. She will again at the end!

Pregnancy symptoms: Exhaustion at levels beyond measure, weepiness, allergies (so many sneezes!), back pain, lots of round ligament pain since my belly is growing so rapidly.

Bellybutton in or out: In -- I don't think it'll ever pop out.

What I miss: Sleeping on my stomach and high intensity workouts. Red wine, coffee, and medium cooked steak.

What I'm looking forward to: Staring into our babes' faces, knowing we made them -- that they are, in every entity, a product of our love, and mini versions of us! Smelling their sweet skin, their ears, under their chins and ever so slightly to the side. Rubbing my lips against their soft curls. Studying their Daddy's eyes as he looks at them, imbedding that memory in my soul. Seeing how they interact with each other earth side and daydream how what it was like when my body was their home. How I'll always be their home. Showing them the softness of the flowers -- of this life. Oh I could go on forever.

Upcoming appointments/events: Still monthly, so April. Soon enough it'll be weekly, and then twice a week.

Wedding rings: Still fit and not swollen!

Mood: Decisive, confident, sentimental. I developed this take no shit attitude when my 2nd trimester started and I love it.

Wisdom: It really does happen so fast. Sit and be present with your baby/babies! Feel their every move.


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