A ballad of thanks.

Thanksgiving, how are you already here? I welcome your warm, savory presence but I lament your suddenness because soon you will be over. And then there will be me, left drunk on pie and tryptophan and cozy all over. Thank goodness I bought a dress for the occasion -- elegance and poise to mask the real reason here. The avoidance of unbuttoned pants!

So here is the tried and true Thanksgiving post. What I am graciously thankful for. For I know I have these things at the end of the day, right before my eyes close with sleep.

• My husband-to-be. My very best friend. And every time I get to reunite with him after a hard day, sitting snug under soft blankets in our living room, watching Dexter, drinking spritzers, spending time. And the infinite number of reasons I love him. He is my literal universe that one.
• My sweet family. And how we make the holidays big because spending time together is always big and important to us. How we laugh. How it's always my favorite thing to see them all.
• The special people I call my close friends. And how each and every one of you are precious lights in my world.
• The comfort and safety I get to have in this life, because there are those who are not as fortunate.
• My body, and what it can do. And that I am healthy, and blessed to be.
• That thinking, creating, doing thing up there in my head -- that also gives me logic, poise, and grace.
• Our near-future puppy!
• White chocolate covered Oreos and pumpkin cheesecake. 
• Baths. Baths and candles. And dresses.
• Where I am now from where I was.

And now I will leave you with a Thanksgiving memory I hold dear in that special corner of my heart, where I store all moments I like to retrieve again and again and wrap myself in the essence of the memory. Breathe it in. A little girl me, helping my dad butter the turkey and handing him proper spices when requested, with this song, playing in the background per my request, every year. Happy Thanksgiving to all, and may your hearts (and bellies) be full!

She's is autumn.

I have found her.

Today I have found the leaf of all leaves. The epitome of autumn, in all her glory. I almost walked right past her but, after quite the debate in my head, girl you don't neeeeed anymore pickings!, I turned around and plucked her up off the soggy ground.

And now I am spending the rest of my day thankful I changed my mind because, though tucked away in a journal until I resolve what to do with her, she is on fire.

Thinking in heaps.

Ah, I suppose there is a time every now and again where we rant. All this electricity gets stuck in our chests and it's very uncomfortable. I also suppose there will be times where this space will be a place for something like that -- an emesis tray to hold the evacuation of festering energy. This one will be short. I think.

A couple things, lo and behold, are making me think and think. Thinking in heaps and in mounds. Maybe it's just my own nature. Maybe, surely, I was born in the wrong era. But I hate how fast everything is. I hate how easy everything is. I hate how fast and easy are entities that form our impatient nature. Our human souls are on a downhill slope to being frighteningly banal. Feelings are hashtags and conversations are slipped beyond the point of worth because they become a means for attention instead of a good, hearty, story. Oh and social media, I mustn't linger on that topic right here, right now. So I will just say I love it. And I hate it. I cannot stand it, but like this entire earth's society, it sucks me in sometimes. It's made us approval-seeking, impatient, comparative human beings. And then it's numbing. It's so boring. It's too easy.

So here is my pledge, I suppose, my purpose of this here rant. I am here to tell myself and to tell you that I will slow down. I will feel. I will hand-write letters forever and make things and have conversations over coffee. I will live in the right now, and yes dreams are fine and all that, but if you're always chasing you surely aren't living. I will work on not feeding the need to capture everything in a photo or a post to where I lose the moment in preparation. I will read and feel and laugh real laughs born from the deepest nooks of my body

Maybe I'm just hollering into empty space, but I want interesting. Give me your story, not 100 different words and preceding number symbols to get attention. What makes you live? What makes you throw your head back and yell, laugh, or cry? Show me your mind, show me your words.