Fear // Love Yourself Tuesday

The photo on the left was taken about two years ago. I remember how absolutely thrilling it was up there with so much beauty in front of me. It felt freeing, and I could physically feel my stress flowing out of my pores and into the clouds. The one on the right was taken this past weekend on the same lovely hike with Daniel in the same spot, on the same boulder at the top. I couldn't even will my feet as close as I was last time, my body was just not having it. It was NOPE city and I was mayor. But the difference is in the girl. I was confused because I didn't know why I was so afraid of just walking around up there and I started to get frustrated. I mean, I was fine last time. But then I stopped and realized it felt good to be afraid of something so typical. I actually laughed at myself. I got used to the altitude and loosened up a bit, but for one blessed moment, I was thoroughly present and reminded that I am indeed human.

Two years ago, being easily overwhelmed by small things everywhere, feeling suffocated and closed-in when too many things happened at once. Pretty much non-stop worry about the future. Then now, being able to breathe again and actually get a chance to be afraid of normal things. Life is funny sometimes.

How To Be Okay // Love Yourself Tuesday

I love that it's becoming easier for me to just be alright. To just be okay. I'm not perfect, I'm not in an eternal state of happiness, nor do I want to be, nor am I seeking that. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful to feel happiness, but people often forget there's other feelings that come and go. Good emotions don't stick around forever. Trust me, when I found out life doesn't roll that way, not even close, I freaked out. You'd be surprised how difficult it is to be alright at times instead of searching for ways to feel, figuring out answers to every question, always seeking that high of happiness, perfection, utopia. How difficult it is to leave things be. I struggled. I'm still working on it, but these are all practices I've applied day to day for my growth from an anxious girl, to a resilient woman.

1. Celebrate little things. Like tiny little joys. You got out of bed this morning, you had a salad today, you indulged in that chocolate truffle, your show just happens to be on as you sit down to unwind, the blanket is keeping you at just the right temperature, you hit an even number at the gas pump, your makeup looks lovely today. Your bare face looks lovely today. Life is all about these little in-betweens that deserve attention too. If you keep chasing the for the infinite level of satisfaction, what happens when you get there? Then what?

2. Woosah time! Really find moments to be content with yourself. Don't try and conjure up some intense happy emotion here; just be. Look at each part of your body you'd otherwise judge and be okay with them. Be okay with yourself in that moment and be okay if you decide you need improvement, that it'll come in time as long as you do it with love. Be gentle with yourself.

3. Meditate! Tune in with yourself and what's around you. Focus on your breathing or on noises or scents. Live here, right now. Right now. It is extremely difficult to be in the moment. If it was an easy thing, no one would ever struggle. Living in the past is a waste of time and living in the future is not reality so why ruin what is with what was or what could be? Good things, bad things, alright things, they all ebb and flow. Seeing this with nonjudgmental eyes is an important start. You'll be alright.

4. Start a fun and completely mindless project. Mess up and embrace it as art. Don't start over. Don't rush to get it all done. Give your brain a rest and completely allow yourself to let go into what you're doing in that moment. Play some lovely chill tunes like Bon Iver or The xx. Your thoughts are a washing machine all day long and your mind needs to come off spin cycle eventually.

5. Be accepting and compassionate with yourself. Life can be pretty miserable if you're constantly scrutinizing on your body, your being, and your soul. If you don't shed warm light on your imperfections, if your inward thoughts are cruel, how will you ever have the capability to be accepting of others in your world? You're the only thing that sticks around from the beginning to end. Your life is adorned with really really good things, and it's important to embrace those, but when it comes down to it, you have you. And that's not meant to be something scary, it should be something beautiful.

6. Finally, the one mindset that has been life changing for me. Everything got better when I figured this out and I wish everyone could spend some time on this. Stop trying. Stop trying to be positive. Stop trying to be happy. Stop trying to be anything you think you should be. The problem is in the trying, because when you're trying too much, you lose yourself and miss out on what you already are. And you may find that it isn't so bad to be you after all. When you stop trying to feel, to be, to have, to know all of these things, they will all come to you. I promise.

Love Yourself Tuesday.

I got it from my mama.
I have decided every Tuesday around here will be a day to love yourself. Who likes Tuesdays? I don’t, you don’t. Because let's be real, Tuesday is a drag. No one likes it, it’s kind of a jerk, and everyone’s just face palming all day because it isn’t hump day, it isn’t Friday eve, it isn’t even Friday at all, and y’all were already prepared for Monday being gross because it’s Monday. So why not give yourself a little reminder that you’re awesome too? Right there in that awkward pre-middle of the week period when you’re just blah? Love Yourself Tuesdays or LYTs are gonna be a thing here. I need to remember to be kind to myself, and you need to remember to be kind to yourself. It can be anything; a freckle, characteristic, scar, a photo, an outfit, something you did, something you didn’t, just pick one thing you dig about yourself in that very moment. Talk yourself up, love yourself down. Share it with me here in the comments and I'll write back. Tell a stranger, yell at the sky, sing it in the car. Love. Your. Self. Here's mine.

My awkward stage was bad. I mean it was awful, like my eyebrows had their own personalities awful. It stuck around for a long long time and I didn't really start feeling comfortable in my own skin until after high school. Teenagers can be little shits, girls specifically, so that didn't help either. I was deeply self-conscious and I struggled because of it. Today I can wake up, look in the mirror, and see beauty in my imperfections. I can see my tiny bird lips (bottom larger than the top), an a-symmetrical hairline I used to hide behind a massive side-swept fringe that was almost as dramatic as my teenage angst. I see contentment, wisdom, worry lines and sass. I can also see my mother. One of the coolest things is seeing photos of her back in the day and realizing our resemblance, especially at this time in my life. We definitely were twinning in our early twenties without even meeting each other. We often wore our hair up the same way, posed alike without meaning to, and we both have that deep-in-thought, off into the distance gaze every now and again. I get real excited when people tell me I look like her. I'm honored I do, she's stunning. And guess what? We rock the same hairline. And that is what I love about myself today.