5.08.2015

A (not-so) new debut.


Oh it's been a little bit. I apologize the drag of silence, but before I dive into a post about what exactly has been going on (a new job! wedding things up to our ears! honeymoon planning! relief! anxiety! okayness!), I think I will share bits about me that new (and old) readers may care to read over coffee, or a glass of noir, I will not judge, on this fine Friyay afternoon.

I have been incredibly big and I have been incredibly tiny and I am finally okay with not fearing or having to be one of those extremes. I'm building my curves, and I am working every day to own them.

Reading and writing are some things I miss the most -- concentrating long hours on creating or taking in content. I often overwhelm by how fast-paced and anti-analog this time is. I do not belong in this era.

I am a walking emotional sponge. I have been soaking in and carrying around other people's stuff my whole life. Good and bad stuff. It is a difficult trait to have because I feel what others feel and my body identifies it as foreign because it's not my stuff so it manifests as anxiety usually.

Now because of that, I burn out easily. People drain me. I'll usually have to leave the room and take breathers outside, in a bathroom, or if you have a dog you can usually find me hanging out with it, wherever that is. I can be down with dogs forever.

I am quite the catastrophizer. I sniffed a small neon green crayon up my nose when I was five and I thought I was going to die. I also kept it from mom because I didn't want to get in trouble. I later hid in the daycare's bathroom to panic and sneeze it out.

I'm the kind of girl who has an eye for a guy with strong hands, arms, a serious jawline, and is good-smelling. I get to enjoy all these things with Daniel and I am quite aware I'm with a looker. These days I think I've complimented him a dozen times on his deodorant I picked out. It smells loooovely but in a man-type of way.

I like pretending I am a wine connoisseur, though I gravitate towards about 2.5 variations. I like to feel fancy. I also like fancy cheese.

I am so looking forward to having a little family with Daniel. What better a sound than hearing little feet running around wood floors, soft skin, cherub lips, and curls, so many curls -- little we's.

I am so so shy. So shy. An extroverted introvert and I will let you mull through the shopping list of reasons why that may be difficult.

So, there you are. Hello again, and I will try to tend to this space more in the coming huge months!


2 comments:

  1. i feel like i know you so much better after reading this post. we are alike in many many ways. mainly the whole carrying others weight on your shoulders. being an old and sensitive soul...it's wonderful but can be caging at times. also with being a catastrophizer. my mom would laugh at me because every single mile stone in life was a huge dramatic thing...all coming down to me dying. ;)

    love you little lady, you are a gem. glad we got "re-acquainted".

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    Replies
    1. Oh I am so glad you replied to this. I actually read your comment a few days ago and revisited it again today because it made me feel really good.

      Yes. Caging is the perfect term. Right now I am reading The Gifts of Imperfection. Next up I want to read The Highly Sensitive Person. I've had a test conducted on me and I remember I answered "yes" to every determining question to being highly sensitive. All except one about physical pain. Which tells me I perceive emotional pain as more painful.

      I'm glad I reflected on this. So thank you, again, for commenting sweet soul.

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