Thoughts this evening.

Flora during my afternoon walks. Always always.

Oh let's talk about expectations. Let me take a moment and nod to my pesky, oftentimes overly sensitive feelings. There comes a time in one's grown up life where a path appears -- a fork in the road of circumstance if you will. One way basks in the bitterness of others' negativity. It's a disheartening boulevard I have roamed down too many times. The other direction, a lane where the air is crisp and the soul is free. The sun forever shines -- where things feel good because they are good and nothing else matters. Where no one can bring you down.

You can probably take a guess at which path I've meddled with as of late. And quite honestly, I'm burnt out.

So here's to letting all of that go. Shame on them for not being reliable, considerate, decent human beings. But shame on me for expecting anything different. Here's to protecting myself from other's negativity, and making a conscious, thoughtful decision not to be the emotional sponge. I will hold dear the beauty I already have around me. The love and the kindness that's already here.

And be done with all the rest.

Busy bee.

Goodness. It feels like it's been quite some time because it has been quite some time. How is the warmth of summer's grand entrance here already? How has the solstice come and gone without lingering long enough for me to say hello? These recent weekends have been filled to the brim with tiny road trips, venue scouring, more Starbucks trips than ideal, overplayed mix CDs, thrifting, and the world of diy bridal party invitations -- which are turning out lovely if I say so myself.

But! We have found our wedding venue! And it is perfectly stunning and we just knew. July 31, 2015 -- our official day becoming Mr. and Mrs. The date just sounds perfect. It looks perfect. We have decided to keep the location hush-hush because it's an exciting secret to keep with family and close friends for just a little while longer. No peeking my sweet friends. We'll announce it soon enough.

Oh and I musn't leave out the adventure that transpired this weekend. My dear friend Alyssa captured our engagement photos in a hand-holding, palm-sweating, stomach-churning experience atop the second highest railway arch in the states. 347 foot drop right off the edge. Wood pieces with suspicious give. I was barefoot and only made it halfway across. It was terrifying in all the best possible ways. We managed to get some gems there and then pulled over to any interesting place we could spot to shoot the rest. Thank you for risking your life with us Alyssa! We are very lucky to have her, indeed. Alyssa and I shared a couple of delicious cranberry ginger ale spritzers mid shoot, which sauced things up nicely for the rest of the day. That surely contributed to my silly charisma and flushed face during the last leg of the shoot and will undoubtedly show up on film.

Daniel, my darling, you are marrying quite the handful.

Something new.

This makes my ass look GREAT.

How do brides function in mermaid gowns?!

I am really short.

Cant. Breathe.

What does this thing do...oh.

Can this count as cardio for the day.

Omg this could be the one!

But what if the one is still out there.

This isn't the one.

Where does this go?!

*Steps all over the front of gown*

God I'm short.

Lace! Beading! Trains!

I'm starving. //

I present to you the thoughts that went through my head, or I happened to say aloud during my first trial consultation for a wedding dress. I'd like to thank my precious mama bird and daddy love for coming with me. It was very fun and very special. I feel ready to venture deep in to the nooks and aisles of the bridal boutiques I've been dreaming about!

Gray.

It has been a little since I've made an entry. Mostly because there's been a lot of gray. Gray like the inbetweens of life and I usually don't like gray because my perfectionist nature hangs on to the blacks and the whites until my knuckles change colors. Over the past year I've learned to let go more and become curious about the inbetweens instead of being so judging of them. That's where I really find I can enjoy life's tiny joys and work through any snags. It's so important to me that I accept the gray because 80-90% of life is the inbetweens. The okay-ness. The I'm not hysterically excited and I'm not precisely pissed off, but I'm good times. Some see this as an auto piloted state, but I like to get curious and just think of it as part of the adventure. Small is necessary for big. It's easier that way and I've mentioned something about it before here. I'm kind of all about that stuff and I use it to the be the best me.

Suddenly, our lives have been filled to the brim with wedding venues, color swatches, guest lists, textures, flowers, and paper. Appointments, long drives, and the words "catering, deposits, Saturday, and no we do not care about how your damn red barn makes for the perfect venue". Also, lots of car snacks as we sing loudly to mix CDs. Wedding planning is in full swing and we're just breathing, taking in the experience, and having a lot of fun. Daniel e-mailed me the other day and said, "Let's get a bottle of wine and look at venues, puppies, and color schemes." I don't know how I did it folks. I have the best future husband of all eternity.    
   
My back is finally doing better! I can't believe it still hurts to do things like sleep on my side or turn around in my chair or pull my shoulders back though. This is all a learning process and I never realized back injuries take forever and ever to heal. My last physical therapy appointment is today and I can't wait for it to be all over. I started doing more than just light cardio and my muscles are all like I volunteer as tribute! as they feel like they're slowly melting off my body. Getting back into a regular lifting and cardio routine after injury is just about the worst process ever. I'm weak, I'm tired, I'm sore, but pain is temporary and trust the process and hashtag strength! motivation! and sweat is fat cells crying and etc. etc.

I have been extremely confused about my new sleeping habits. I fight sleep like an infant and I've always fought sleep. I allow myself to get so stupidly tired that I'm out as soon as my head hits my memory foam pillow. This isn't new, but the fact my brain wakes me up at 2am each night ready to go is beyond me. And then I fight sleep some more. I'll scroll through Instagram or Pinterest under my covers at ridiculous times early in the morning because I'm up and fighting it again. Eventually I fall back asleep and I'll wake up to my alarm a hot mess. Maybe it's because I've got so much on my mind, but I'm not taking too kindly to these intrusive wake ups. Do any of you fight sleep like this? I know I should be more mindful that if I don't listen to my body and sleep when it tells me to, I'm not taking the best care of myself. I can't seem to break this habit.

Indeed, this entry was all over the place like I pictured it to be. But the space between black and white, excited and miserable, organized and messy, is allowed to be scattered. That's okay.

Have a glorious Friday and an even better weekend, sweet readers.