5.16.2016

31 Weeks.


31. Weeks. How?

I wouldn't say this would be a milestone post, because every single day growing the loves of our lives is a milestone -- one we protect and cherish with every fiber of our being.

Any conversation someone strikes up with me takes off with a "how are you feeling?" I am tired. This is my default, and new normal. I have somewhat accepted that it is my underlying, overall, in and out and in-between feeling. On top of that layer? I'm ecstatic. I light up when I see the girls' nursery and I'm able to nest as I please. Gone is the awareness of my dismantled back (only to creep into consciousness if I do too much) and I stare at their cribs and their tiny, sweet pieces of clothing and bows and soft blankets knowing these exact pieces of fabric will have the privilege of touching my babies' skin. Skin that is ours, from us, that we made. It is achingly beautiful, I think.

Twice a week appointments are coming up starting Monday and birth plan conversations are taking place -- it's dizzying how fast everything is happening. Our girls will be here in 6-7 short weeks and it is beyond my ability to grasp. I can feel their personalities already and before I know it, they'll be in my arms where they belong. It's a feeling I cannot fathom to try and explain. Lyla is absolutely our wild one and Elsie much quieter, but strong when she moves. And I do love them in my belly, seeing them stretch and always letting mama know they're doing okay. But I will be so excited and relieved to have them earthside to take care of, so I don't have the distraction of my body in order to mother theirs. I do know I am using all of my body right now to grow them. I am giving my all and there's nothing I want more than for them to stay in as long as they need. My emotions are all over the place. So far everything has gone wonderfully and they're happy in their warm internal world -- dreaming sweet baby dreams, communicating with each other, playing. I love them so much.

My expectations of blogging throughout this pregnancy diminished oh, I'd say 3+ months ago. I thought of many great things to share, but I just can't. This is such a sacred time for us and we are burning every moment into our memories. This, as well as 105% of my energy goes to working full time, balancing appointments, and then coming home to rest and work on projects. Weekends are for catch up with what we haven't accomplished during the week. It's taxing and will only intensify. I can't dig up the energy to write anything besides letters to my girls.

So much has happened since I last wrote. We are in our first home that went through a complete DIY remodel. New floors, tile, carpet, trim, paint, furniture -- and it is beautiful. My darling husband works so exponentially hard every single day and night  and he indeed has three jobs -- his full time @ Costco corporate, remodeling our home, and taking care of us. We are the luckiest girls to have him. Our families and friends have helped out too and for that we are blown away. I just can't wait to share some photos.

Here's to the final weeks before we become a family of four.

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